Build IRL SF Newsletter #13
An open letter to Robert Putnum, we made news, the shot, the second upswing
Hi fam,
This isn't our typical newsletter, but nothing about this week has been typical.
This is the story of my Saturday, Jul 13th 2024.
Alta Plaza Park was unusually windy as my friends and family helped set up for my little one’s 2nd birthday. I felt deeply grateful, surrounded by love and laughter.
9.15 am: 📱Ping! “NYT Interview of Robert Putnam”
My phone pinged with a notification from NYT - “Robert Putnam Knows Why You’re Lonely.” I first discovered Bowling Alone as a starry-eyed new grad student at Harvard. Little did I know it would change the course of my life a decade later.
I sneaked away from the birthday hustle to find a quiet corner to read.
“Twenty-five years ago, I essentially predicted everything that was going to happen... And yet it happened… I’ve been working most of my adult life to build a more connected community in America, and now I’m 83 and looking back, it's been a total failure… ”
My heart sank. He was right; we are more disconnected now. His voice was filled with earnestness, frustration, and urgency. But ‘a total failure’?
Putnam’s work continues to inspire many efforts, including ours at Build IRL. Few match his passion and intellectual horsepower on social connection and community.
I thought, “If only Bob could see what we saw last month at the Build IRL showcase: a packed house of eager joiners, builders creating new social clubs. Something special is happening thousands of miles away from Bob, on the other side of the country.”
12.30 pm: Ping! Ping! Ping! “You’re in the news!”
A friend took me aside after the cake cutting, “You’re in the news! Go social clubs!”
SF standard covered the Build IRL showcase. The article read -
“Throughout the presentations, Niraj Dattani (an attendee), scribbled names (of the social clubs) in his moleskine notebook. His partner would love Pawrents, the dog sitting meetup, he said, and he wanted to tell his sister about Interwoven, a group for people navigating mixed-race and -cultural identities.”
That’s exactly what Colt and I hoped for: more Joiners, more Builders. The waitlist for the next cohort of social club builders grew longer!
3.30 pm: Ping! “Trump assassination attempt!”
What, How, What! Chills run down my spine. Its 2024. I live in one of the oldest modern democracies.
Thomas Matthew Crooks. 20 years old. Recent high school graduate.
“Crooks usually ate lunch alone and was often bullied”, one classmate said. "You wouldn’t have expected this," another said. "The parents and the family are all really nice people. It's crazy."
The investigation is still in its early stages, with much work being done by law enforcement to uncover the underlying motives and details.
But it is still crazy.
20-year-olds should be out with their friends in bowling leagues, camping trips, writing clubs, running clubs, and Boy Scouts—not planning the assassination of a presidential candidate.
It is not a radical expectation to want a world where our young adults feel safe, inspired and valued. It is an urgent need. I want that for my little one’s 20th birthday.
Strangely, Putnum also predicted this in his interview earlier in the morning:
“About 125 years ago, what was called the “boy problem” was a big problem. It was a problem of boys who were getting in trouble and raising trouble for the country as a whole. And to address that problem, a burst of new associations directed at boys were invented. Big Brothers, and the organization called Boys Clubs, now called Boys and Girls Clubs, it started in 1906. (These and other groups) combined something that was fun — camping — with moral indoctrination. A Scout is trustworthy, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful.”
In other words - we need a new wave of in-person community builders.
We need thousands of builders, hosting hundreds of thousands of social club gatherings, engaging millions of people in this country every week (and many many more globally).
It is possible.
One builder at a time.
One social club at a time.
One gathering at a time.
Putnum says, “We’re not going to fix polarization, inequality, social isolation until, first of all, we start feeling we have an obligation to care for other people (we need a culture change). And that’s not easy.”
Culture building is not quick. It’s not easy. It’s not predictable. And it also doesn’t happen by chance. We need to design an environment that increases our chances of landing this cultural change.
For more IRL communities to exist, we need to make the work of an IRL builder:
Less hard.
More visible.
More resourced.
More rewarding.
And less lonely.
Colt & I are on that mission. The first Build IRL cohort helped us realize one thing—we're on to something truly magical and we’re grateful to be making it happen. ✨
The good news is this work is incredibly fun. And, in our opinion, it’s already begun.
Don’t believe me?
The second upswing!
Let me show you what our IRL builders were up to while all of this craziness was unfolding on the news.
🐾 Pawrents, a dog parents group, hosted 6 different meetups across the Bay.
🎓 Lifepods brought 20 new grads to support each other in navigating adulting.
🍽️ Children of Diaspora hosted a ‘family style’ dinner and talked about their favorite childhood memory around food and family.
🏛️ SF Contemplarium put out its manifesto to build honoring structures in SF.
💃 The Doghouse had a full house on Thursday night for social swing dancing.
🚶♂️ Run Your Life hosted a walk and talk for community builders.
When asked whether he is optimistic or pessimistic about the future, Robert Putnum says “Honestly, looking at the polls today, I could be pretty pessimistic. But I am hopeful, because I can see how we could change it, and I’m doing my damnedest, including right this moment, to try to change the course of history.”
You damn well are doing your best, Bob.
We thank you from the bottom of our heart.
You inspire us every day with your fight.
We are in this fight with you.
Here is our promise to you:
we will also do our damnedest to help change the course of history🛠️
To anyone who is reading this:
be a builder. be a joiner. It’s so much fun, and you may just save our democracy (and extend your life!)
Until next week,
Saum (Colt says hi from Ghana!)